Teacup pigs and possibly misuing the word "stasis"

These were taken like a week ago.
I can't even talk about this weather situation.

Hello, Internet. It's been a while. I should really just strive for quarterly updates here to avoid the constant nagging sensation that my blog is withering on the vine. 

Since I last posted, no birds have entered our home uninvited. The ones we did invite were not available, allegedly. Their excuses were pretty flimsy, if you ask me. Something about wanting to live outside where birds "belong," and not wanting to be eaten by a house cat. Stuff like that.

In other news, I did not win an international writing contest. I did make the top ten, though! They even put my name on the site and everything, and I am inordinately proud; I'm not going to lie. I did a thing! Sort of. I at least caught the eye of someone who had some kind of say in this thing. I'll take it. Since I didn't win or place in the top 3, the essay remains unpublished, which is actually a good thing, because it means I can submit it to places that publish such things. The string of rejections that are sure to follow will bring a good balance to this whole situation. It's all about stasis.

My children continue to grow taller and more smart-alecky. We got a second cat named Merlin; he has quickly become the favorite pet. David has taken to pretending to be a teacup pig named Max for most hours of the day, and Anderson spends much of his free time programming with Scratch and making me feel intellectually inadequate, but in a very sweet way. Kurt has been doing a lot of Kurting, as he is wont to do.

Soon, I will leave this part of the tri-state area and point myself northish, to the land of the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop. At this point, I'm counting down the hours, along with hundreds of others, to that seemingly mundane Thursday in April. It's hard to explain the magic, but I wish I could bottle it for those times when this writing pursuit feels like the dumbest idea anyone in the history of the world has ever dared to admit. While other, more poised attendees might organize their notes after the conference and approach their work with renewed vigor, I plan to soak it up, get home and write like a maniac until the buzz wears off. 

What else? I turned 39 and started a new and somewhat subdued countdown to the dreaded 4-0, or at least that's what you're supposed to say, I guess. I really can't be bothered. It may have finally sunken in that I'm mortal, as are you (and you and you). Apart from the occasional grip of tummy panic that I've possibly wasted a lot of time of my limited time on a lot of really pointless worries, it's all good. I'm happy to wake up and greet the day each day. Someone has to feed the teacup pig.

The unsettling mystery of Google search terms

From etsy.

Like most small-time bloggers, I spend a great deal of time poring over the page where you can see how many hits you get and where they come from. It's a good place to become very humble, very quickly, especially once you tell Blogger to stop counting your own clicks. Ouch. It can also be a little alarming and confusing.

On this magical page, I can see what people searched for to find my blog on Google. Most of the time, it makes sense and I get why the person went on to visit me (yay!). Sometimes, though, I'm mystified because it doesn't make much sense in relation to what they searched for, but, whatever. If something caught their eye, hurray. I'm just happy for the readership.

These are my favorites, most of which make me a little worried about what kind of statement I'm making about myself on the Internet-Which-Never-Forgets:

Losing bladder control in public (Has not happened to me, yet. Watch this space for updates.)

I'm content with losing (Well, only a little, but I hope I helped whoever else wanted to feel content with losing.)

No one noticed I left, Why I left Facebook (Facebook causes a lot of angst for such an ugly site, as this search term has come up over 135 times since I wrote that post.)

Drawn morbid pictures (I'm guessing they landed here)

Cheetah Zubaz (apparently someone does know what these are)

Alice Cooper sex dream (it was NOT a sex dream, just for the record)

Sarah Hunt panties porn (my god, let's hope they left disappointed)

cincysarah@blogspot.some (3 times) (no doubt this is the result of me typing in my url wrong somewhere, as I am wont to do) (I have no idea why I can't get a bigger audience)

Veggie tales Jesus (I can only imagine the disappointment when they realized there were no talking tomatoes and a severe shortage of messiahs here)

My kid is better than your kid (This makes me wonder if they were looking for others who firmly believe they are raising a small Ghandi or Albert Einstein, or trying to find a mother who actually thinks that way, to yell at. I don't go in for that jazz.)

Erma Bombeck, Erma Bombeck Workshop (Yes, I miss it, too. Please talk to me about it at great length so that we may never fully return to real life.)

Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop Wrap Up

It is proving very difficult to describe why the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop was a life-changing experience for me without it sounding all hyperbolic and starry-eyed, but I have to admit that I'm all starry-eyed, anyway.

Sitting among 400 people in the same place who get it, who understand the thrill of writing humor and human interest for the sake of writing it, and not necessarily just to sell it, is validating, energizing, and a little humbling (in a good way). Getting encouragement not just to keep writing but to stay authentic, kind, and earnest in our work, from people who have achieved so many impressive milestones, was more than a little inspiring. I walked away with new purpose toward completing my writing goals, but also with new purpose toward being the person I want to be. I can't imagine asking for more.

OK, more chairs in Kennedy Union Room 222 would be OK.

But otherwise? Nope. I assumed I'd enjoy this workshop and that it would be awesome to discover people who might tick a little bit like me, but I had no idea it would lead to such a soul-searching, life-affirming experience. And that's on top of the slew of practical tips I will studiously... er, study.

Yesterday I wrapped things up with a session on developing a distinct blog presence and voice (which I lack since I'm pretty scattered) with the super sharp and very personable Anna Lefler, and presentations that I found incredibly inspiring by Kyran Pittman (I barely took notes because I was mesmerized by her lyrical Canadian accent), and Karen Walrond, who thinks you (and you, and you) are uncommonly beautiful.

Kyran focused on finding the authority to write. I found her ideas about "writing" vs. being a "capital-W Writer" so eye-opening. It's important to assess what your goals are there.

She also spoke about writer Seth Godin, who has written about the importance of delighting the people who are already paying attention. This would be in contrast to the people who you keep hoping to attract. It's a sure way to keep your voice authentic, and it's not that it's not a fine goal to grow an audience, but sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the stats and numbers, and the further that boat goes out to sea, the harder it becomes to remember why you came to the shore in the first place.

Karen's gorgeous presentation focused on sparking your creativity. She is a mathematician turned lawyer turned photographer/writer, and she is simply wonderful. One idea I loved was "100 paces, 20 shots," which I think is pretty self-explanatory. I'm dusting off my Canon 20D as we speak. Here is what Karen had to say about the workshop.

I will try not to gush on these pages too much, going forward, but I wanted to document a little bit about my experience here. If you've landed here thanks to a google search about the workshop, yes, do sign up. It will sell out, and you should experience it. I wish I could take every one of my writer friends with me next time. It was intimidating at first, but so liberating and empowering by the end.

In the words of Erma: "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."

I'm so glad I did.

Erma Workshop Day 2 Wrap Up

I can't begin to distill this day into something readable and not 400 pages long, so let's do this via a list:

1. Serious blogging/social media tips from the Queen of this stuff, Debba Haupert, founder of Girlfriendology. I filled pages of notes with stuff I didn't know or was fuzzy about. She defuzzed with enthusiasm.

2. I had such a great time in Dave Fox's session on travel humor writing that I signed up for his online humor writing class starting in a couple weeks. So excited that the class is limited in size and will be filled with people from this conference.

3. Lunchtime speaker: Connie Schultz. I won't embarrass us both by gushing as much as I want to, but wow. I want to award her the Pulitzer for making everybody in the ballroom feel like she was having a one-on-one conversation with her. Sen. Sherrod Brown is a lucky man and the Pulitzer people are smart puppies. I'm excited that I have so much to read by her that will be new to me. So funny, kind, smart... alright I'm starting to gush so I'll reel it back in for now. But wow.

4. You know that blog Lost in Suburbia, the mommy blog that became enormous and has a massive audience? I went to Tracy Beckerman's session for nuts and bolts tips that I can actually use (turns out she got her start at an Erma conference several years ago and has made it a habit to make an ass of herself at each conference, which I can absolutely respect).

5. Then I napped and ate pretzels, though not simultaneously. What kind of freak show do you think this is?

6. So then, somehow, things got even better. Erma's son Andy read a column she wrote about him and the different beat of his drum. I love that the Bombecks are so involved with this conference. I'm not into mystical woo woo stuff, but her kindness and earnest belief in all people shines through so clearly here. The people involved with putting on this conference are doing good, and needed, work.

7. But then, it got even better. Adriana Trigiani, fiction bestseller and longtime TV comedy writer, gave the most inspiring, wackiest, funniest, completely real speech I've ever heard. I wouldn't even call it a speech. She said she wanted us to use her in whatever way was the most helpful, and she actually meant it. Her stories were hilarious, obviously, but she gets like 45 Brene Brown stars for her authenticity. She left her dress shoes in a hotel in the last city she was in, and had to deliver her speech in black sequins and brown booties, and it was awesome. I got to talk to her briefly about painful shoes, too.

So, the word of the day is wow. It will take a long time to digest this weekend, and I am sore and I am beyond tired and I am surely skipping words and getting the details wrong all over the place at this point, but I am so glad I did this. I'm energized and ready. I may actually die by the end of tomorrow, but let's hope not because I have so much to do now. So much I truthfully feel I'm supposed to do.

Day 1 wrap up
Day 1 preview freak out post

Erma Workshop Day 1 Wrap Up

Alan Zweibel and Gilda Radner

So tired.

What a great dinner. Not only did we get to hear from Erma's widow, Bill Bombeck, who read from her 3rd grade autograph book and made everybody cry, we got to hear some amazing stories from Alan Zweibel, who was one of the original SNL writers among countless other huge things. He was hilarious, self-deprecating, melancholy about his enormously important friendship with Gilda Radner (a very big influence for me), and yes, he did have the infamous Roger Ebert review of "North" in his jacket pocket. I left wanting to WRITE. I also bought his kids book and had him sign it for the boys, and his book about Gilda, Bunny Bunny, for me. He was very nice up close, too.

And the other attendees? Not so scary! The people at my table were funny, friendly, and nice. I love that I have yet to bump into anyone who feels threatening or ultra-competitive, which can happen when people are into the same kind of art. This is a fantastic crowd.

I also think I saw a couple familiar faces from the blogosphere, which is a bizarre feeling! It's like celebrity spotting in L.A. but you're never quite sure if the 2"X2" icon you've been looking at is the same as the real life, actual-sized person in front of you. Tomorrow, I must sleuth.

Tonight, I must sprawl on a giant bed, all by myself. And watch any TV channel I want. And miss my babies a little.

Tomorrow, good googly my day is going to be packed! I'm very psyched about so many of the seminars I'm attending, though. I may need lots of coffee, but it's going to be great.

Live Blogging the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop 2012

Well, not really. I don't really know what that means. But I have arrived, so look out, Dayton? I guess? I doubt I'll cause any really damage, but you never know.

So far I've checked in, got some swag from the Erma people (sweet), made besties with the hotel maid, WHO IS NAMED IRMA (cue "what a coincidence" sountrack), made an unfortunate trip to Walmart after realizing I didn't have toothpaste, because all trips to Walmart are unfortunate, took a bath in the spiky-ass tub (seriously, get some mats, people, ow), avoided the other attendees because I am a socially awkward goofball (but I swear I will make friends at dinner in a few), and stood around on my balcony! I have a balcony, overlooking a beautifully paved parking lot with fresh white lines. I do like to pamper myself, so I indulged in a $4 thing of sunflower seeds from the Overpriced Wall of Snacks downstairs.

Tonight it's dinner, where I'll display my "Sarah Hunt, Vegetarian" nametag, which is totally a lie since I eat meat at least 3 times a week still. The speaker is Alan Zweibel, who sounds extremely interesting. Just in case, I'm going to pack my purse with projectiles. As a paying customer, I feel it is my right to express my displeasure at poor delivery, bad jokes, or an apparent lack of enthusiasm. So, let's hope Alan is on his toes!

I will update this later, unless I am in jail, but maybe they'll have wireless access and I can do it from my phone.