What could be worse than an ankle-grabbing monster?

You should buy me on etsy.

Ninjas, as it turns out.

"Mommy, did you check for monsters everywhere?"
"Yep, even under the bed. And since they are, you know, not real, it's not surprising that I didn't find any."
"Not all monsters are real, but the real ones are the worst kind."
"Fair enough. There aren't any real or pretend monsters, so no worries!"

20 Minutes Later

"Um, Mommy, there's one other thing you forgot. What about ninjas?"
"You are still awake? Ninjas?"
"Yes, ninjas. Did you check for ninjas?"
"Well, I checked everywhere, so I'd have noticed a ninja."
"Well, see, that's the thing, Mommy. You can't see or even hear or smell a ninja. Nobody knows there is a ninja until he jumps on you and then it's *skeech* you're dead! So, how will we know there are no ninjas?"
"Um."
"Mommy, one other question. Are ninjas still alive?"
"Um."
"Mommy, you don't know anything about ninjas."
"Yeah. It seems that way. Sorry, buddy. We'll have to talk to Daddy about this tomorrow."
(deep sigh) "OK, then, but let's make it a priority. This is important to know about!"

So after that fairly brutal schooling by my 5-year-old with the $100 vocabulary, I went off to do some much needed Wikipedia reading on ninjas (can I just say the history of ninjas is far less impressive than one might imagine?*). Now, my cat does seem pretty familiar with the whole hiding-in-the-pitch-black-right-in-the-middle-of-a-stair-and-then-yowling-indignantly-at-you-when-you-inevitably-step-on-his-kidney-while-wheeling-around-wildly-in-the-dark-as-you-plummet-to-the-ground-at-3-a.m. ninja tactic(I think this qualifies as an "asshole cat technique"), so apparently we're not all a lost cause.


*For example: Uzura-gakure – The practice of curling into a ball and remaining motionless in order to appear like a stone. Falls under "earth techniques"